My amazing television idea.

I've had a great idea for a TV show. I haven't got a title for it yet but I've been kicking around the idea of T.N.T. standing for Trivial Nonsense Talk.

Basically you get someone on that's promoting something; be it an artist or band that's just put a single out, an actor with a new film or an author that's written a book. Then you ask him/her questions that no one else would ask. Questions like 'What are your favourite kind of tomatoes?', 'Do you like building flat pack furniture?' or 'Who would win in a fight? Thelma or Louise?'.

I don't know why I think this is a good idea, I just really like the idea of Brad Pitt talking about the merits of CD over vinyl or Lady Gaga explaining why she prefers sparkling over still water.

Right, you should probably get on with your life now.

Any Other Business?

This, I promise you, is completely real. The following is taken from the minutes of an Eakring Parish Council Meeting held on Wednesday the 14th May 2008. They're online for anyone to see. I have copied and pasted the Any Other Business section as it has one of the most amazing things on there. Which I really want to know the story behind. Again, I have not tampered with this at all (except with the spacing).

Any Other Business
1. Tree cutting on Back Lane was discussed. The following things arose from this:
a) It would be a good idea to suggest to the landowner the planting of some replacement trees.
b) Parish Councillors are advised to report things to the Clerk for onward transmission to the relevant authority rather than contact parishioners direct.
c) Parish Councillors and parishioners need refreshing on what constitutes a ‘tree’ and what is permitted work. Clerk to write to Mr Catchpole for a definition.
d) Clerk to report the tree cutting to Mr Catchpole at NSDC.
2. The issue of the ancient drains in the village was raised.
3. A parishioner has raised the question of the PC’s use of the Eakring Echo and its sponsorship.
4. Another parishioner wished to know if the problems with the telephone directories have been solved yet.
5. Mr Neale said a parishioner had drawn his attention to overhanging foliage on the pavement on Main Street between Wellow Road junction and the Old School. Clerk to contact Highways Dept.
6. The missile launcher parked at a property on Kirklington Road has caused comments from a number of parishioners about unauthorised access of a vehicle to a property and causing damage to the road surface. Clerk to contact Highways Dept.

A MISSILE LAUNCHER?!

Bad Movie Lines.

Here are my nominations for the worst, most pointless lines in movies.

"Neo, I believe." - Kid; The Matrix Revolutions
A visually stunning film spoiled by the complicated plot and the slightly wooden acting. This particular line was meant to be dramatic and it just wasn't.

"Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed." - Carrie; Four Weddings And A Funeral
How? It was chucking it down!

"What am I seeing with my eyes?" - Paris; Pitch Black
Now, what am I seeing with my bum?

"There's no Hogwarts without you Hagrid." - Harry; Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets
The worst thing in the world is to end your film on a cringe-worthy note. He did nothing there but give Malfoy ammunition.

"Holy cricket, you're Harry Potter!" - Hemrione; Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone
Proof, if proof be needed, that the screenplay of HP1 was written by an American. I'm surprised the line didn't start "Golly gosh..."

"Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!" - Darth Vader; Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith
Darth Vader is a bad ass. He shows NO emotion. "My wife's dead? Good. She was far too clingy."

"You know what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else." - Storm; X-Men
Pointless, pointless, pointless. Again a 'dramatic line' which meant nothing.

"You're why cavemen chiseled on walls." - Simon; As Good As It Gets
Helen Hunt isn't that old. Right?

"Jack, this is where we first met." - Rose; Titanic
I'm sure he was able to remember the previous day.

"We were made to fit together." - Maggie; City Of Angels
This was the exact point that I gave up with this movie.

"And you people... you're all astronauts on some kind of star trek?" - Zeferman; Star Trek: First Contact
An attempt at sly humor there.

"Tell my wife I love her" - Any character that knows he's going to die in any war film ever made.
It's easy to write a cliche, but come on. A bit more of an inspirational last line is needed from you, whoever you are.

So there you are. Anyone know any others?

Uprising.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Muse don't like miming that much.



EDIT.
Further proof that Muse don't like miming.

The Crystal Knightmare.

I watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show last night. It's a bonkers film; but not un-enjoyable. I was prepared to hate it because of The Time Warp, but they got that out the way pretty quickly. Anyway, I digress. As Richard O'Brian was in it I started thinking about one of the greatest television programs of all time. The Crystal Maze.

The Crystal Maze, if for some bizarre reason you haven't seen or can't remember it, was a program where a group of six people had to complete various puzzles. Each puzzle was set in its own little room and had a strict time limit. If you succeeded in your challenge you would get a crystal which would give you five seconds in the crystal dome. If you failed then you came out empty-handed. If you were still in the room when your time ran out you got locked in the room.

And there were four zones. Each zone had different puzzle rooms in that zone's theme. There was the Aztec zone (a lot of sand), the medieval zone (a lot of stone), the Futuristic zone (a lot of radio controlled vehicles) and a zone that had something to do with a ship (you've guessed it; lots of water). Clearly all the budget went on the sets, because I remember the prizes as awful. If you had won enough time in the crystal dome to get enough of the gold tickets to win the 'grand prize' then good old Richard O'Brian would announce that they had won an afternoon's pony trekking or something.

Another program that I liked was a program called Knightmare. In this program a ten/eleven year old child (a boy usually, not a lot of girls on Knightmare) had to put this big helmet on which obscured his eyes and his friends had to guide him through all these different dungeons telling him what to do so he didn't get killed.

In reality the kid with the helmet on was in a big room with a lot of green screens and it was all computer generated. But what I really liked about this program was that if they steered their friend wrong and he 'died' that was it. Go home you losers, you failed. I only remember about two groups ever completing the quest. It would often take weeks for a team to work through the story and they explained this away by saying that the dungeon was in a weird time zone or something and that the dungeon only worked for twenty-minutes at a time. Now, that's good writing!

I haven't sold either of these programs well, so judge for yourself.





And this is how not to play Knightmare.