Lies My Parents Told Me.

Seeing as how my parents are currently away sunning themselves in warmer climes I thought I would post a blog about all the lies they told me when I was a child. You know; stuff that a child would believe but couldn’t possibly be true, my Dad was really bad for this. So here we go.

The television stops broadcasting when it’s bedtime.

While on a plane I was told not to press the button on the armrest, as it was 'dangerous'. I got the idea that it would make the wings fall off the plane. I only discovered this was wrong for all sorts of reasons last year as I flew around the place a lot. Why would you have a button that makes the wings fall off the plane in the cabin for anyone to press? Come to that, why would a plane have a button that makes the wings fall off at all?

In response to the question 'what’s the difference between bees and wasps?' I was told that bees are simply fat wasps.

Any men that wear a chain around their neck can’t remove it otherwise their head will fall off. I’ve been wearing a chain for years and remove it nightly and, to the best of my knowledge, this has never happened.

Petrol is just wet coal.

I assumed that people really did die in films. They just got people that didn’t want to live anymore and killed them. My Dad let me think that I was right.

If you unscrew your belly button your bottom falls off.

Santa. Which actually raises a question that I have been wondering about lately. When I was younger (20 or maybe 21) I sent a letter to Santa, posted it in a post box and everything, and I got a handwritten card back from Santa. Where did that come from?

Don’t walk in wet tarmac, or you’ll be stuck there forever. I still avoid people mending roads and filling potholes to this day.

'I’m only going to tell you this once!'

Similarly: 'It’s for your own good.'

And: 'You’ll thank me for this.'

There you go. Thanks to Mum and Dad for shaping me into the person that I am today!